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I can't find joy in anything. No matter what I do I do not find situations joyful. I can never have any fun doing anything. It is getting bad. I find more joy in hiding in my room and not having any social life. I'm a popular person. I have lots of friends. I've gone from rock climbing to the movies but nothing helps.
I feel depressed and have a hard time even wanting to wake up because sleeping makes the days go by faster. Suicide has been thought of but I remain calm and worry about who else it would hurt if I ended up not doing it? So, I have no intentions but I am scared of the feelings and that they might deepen.
I don't know what to do. I don't like how I am right now. I don't feel too great about anything. Even on my birthday I felt joyless and left my own party because I felt I was depressing everyone.
I feel like the days keep going by and that me being here is a burden on everyone.
I am in high school and, yes, I know that mentally all teens are confused. But, I still can't help think there is something else wrong.
This feeling of depression and joylessness is eating me up and I feel like I am breaking down. I want the day to go by faster and faster every moment.
What's going on with me, please tell me? I cant afford any help from a one on one professional
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